Refusing to leave. A little selfish and a litte rude. But I don’t care!

Posted: October 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

I can honestly say that I am a little selfish and rude when it comes to this. The Monster has some sort of meltdown or some sort of tantrum every time we are out somewhere. I don’t think their has ever been a day within the past year or so that he hasn’t had one. We seem to go out a decent amount. Whether it would be Mike and I with the Monster or My family and I with him.
I have noticed he doesn’t like certain stores in the mall and I refuse to let that stop me from going in them. I just shop for what I need or want and if he has a meltdown, then he has a meltdown. I have learned not to let it stop me from going into places mostly because I can’t press pause on my life. I am sure certain things bother him when he has one of these meltdowns, but I refuse to be afraid of what MIGHT happen.

The Monster also almost always has a meltdown when we are at a restaurant. He now refuses to sit in a high chair so he pretty much stands in the booth and eats his food the whole time. When he is done, he is done. But if I am not done, I refuse to pack up my meal just because he decides he is ready. Does he sometimes get loud? Yeah. Does he sometimes throw a fit? Yeah. And I know he can only take so much, but I have learned to not let it bother me. Is it rude of me to not take him outta there, take him into the restroom or out to the car? Yeah. I think it is rude of me not to do that, I am sure people around us get annoyed if he is not happy and expresses how unhappy he is about the situation. I can’t really just pack him up and take him into the restroom to have a minute to calm down, he is scared of public restrooms and usually freaks when he is in one. And because of his autism he doesn’t know/understand the dangers that are around him. I can’t just take him outside in front of the building because of cars going in and out. At any given time he can get away from me.

I refuse to stop living and going out because of this. It will just make things worse in the long run not just for him, but for me. I feel that if you want the quiet, peaceful meal, then sit at home. Teaching our son how to behave outside of the house is important, so taking him out as much as possible is our way of doing so.

Like I said I know this is selfish of me and very rude of me as a responsible parent, but I don’t care. I don’t care who it bothers if my son decides to cry a little. I can’t stay inside forever, we can’t stay inside forever. The world needs to learn to adjust to him. My son is two and his is still learning to adjust to the world around him.

Call me selfish, call me rude, say whatever you feel is right. But living and staying inside a box because some people don’t want to be accepting is not my problem. We are having to adjust to a different life. My son is having to adjust to a different environment. The smell, the lights, the noise, he is learning to live with it. So a little noise at the store or a restaurant isn’t going to kill anyone. I am sure some might feel that a responsible parent shouldn’t feel like this, especially when it effects other people. Nobody wants their kid to be a bother to anyone else, but nobody wants their kid to be trapped either. And that is what I refuse to do, is make him feel trapped.

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Comments
  1. ann says:

    I don’t think it is selfish or rude,
    probably because I live with the same credo for my 5y/o son. I think it is b/c we go out so much to the supermarket, stores, restaurants that he is so social. he always asks to go to these places and he enjoys himself for the most part. I believe these experiences will help him to learn how to behave over time. It is social skills training but in the real time setting of life.

  2. kim says:

    I wish that I would have felt that same way when my son was younger. But we did (do) live in a box. Only going places where I know that we won’t have meltdowns. I know that has greatly affected our lives because it confines us to only certain things. I don’t know what my excuse is to not try things like you are. But I applaud what you are doing. I don’t think that you are selfish or rude at all. Everyone needs to be more tolerant of differences in others, whether it be adults or children. I think you are doing a great job, for what its worth.

  3. Jessie says:

    I really think that everyone needs to be more tolerance of others differences.. With that being said I usually will remove my son when he is having a meltdown in most public place because he is uncomfortable in the situation. His comfort comes first. If your little one has sensory issues meltdowns are a sign of overload and can be torture to them. To each his own.

    • I completely understand sensory issues and sensory overload. His meltdowns are sometimes because he is done eating, not because of a sensory overload. I stated many times that he has a meltdown a lot when we go out. If I always let him have his way then I would never go out with him. I also state that he scared of public restrooms so removing him from the situation is impossible. Unless we just go out the car and he won’t sit in his car seat unless we are moving, so if we do that than we should just leave. We never go out to eat in our town, so when we go to a restaurant it is at least 45 minutes to an hour away. I like to shop and eat out. And if I don’t take him out, then he will be 12 years old and still stuck in the house and never learning to adjust with different surroundings. He is learning to adjust to his surroundings and the rest of the world. Just like I feel the rest of the world needs to adjust to him. Am I selfish? Yes. Do I care? No. My son LOVES going out! He LOVES going places…sometimes he gets impatient and is ready to leave, other times he is having a meltdown due to something small. And yes, he might be in a sensory overload every once and awhile, but we feel it is best to keep taking him out. I don’t want to be a prisoner in my own home and I don’t want the Monster to be that way either. I feel bad when I hear someone tell me how they never can take their child out, but I think within time it will get better. His doctors and therapists also think now is the time to do these types of things because he is so young. I think leaving any situatioin too soon is not helping our children, but like u stated to each his own.

      • Jessie says:

        I just dealt with this type of situation today at a family function. My son had a meltdown before we even walked in the door. My husband said lets just leave. And I said no lets see if we can work through it. We eventually did after about 40 minutes and ALOT of joint compressions and alphabet book reading(thats my sons thing :)) He was okay for about a hour and starting getting uncomfortable again at that point we decided he had had enough and it was time to go. We usually try to work through the meltdown too in the right place and time. We are very lucky to have a understanding and supportive family. Im a firm believer in you do whats right for your kid regardless of what others think. All kids with autism have meltdowns for their own reason and as a autism mommy we will ALWAYS do whats better for our kids. No judgement here 🙂

      • We usually throw in the towel if we are at a family event with many people. Mostly because their are children around it is harder to keep an eye on ours when someone else doesn’t understand to keep doors shut or to stop yelling in our sons ear. It sometimes turns into chaos. Luckily I have a good supportive mediate family that understands completely. Good for u guys for trying…in that type of situation depending on the family I was around, I would have given up.

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